Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Boys

Friday, September 17th, 2010

5yo: I’m going to chase after boys with my lips like this *purses lips for a kiss*, they run away…

me: I can imagine

16yo: We’re not at that stage in our relationship

me: Well just make sure it’s right for you (internally) thank christ for that!

19yo: I’m going to get drunk every night of freshers week

me: Think of your liver

19yo: You think of my liver

22yo: I’m getting a tattoo, on my back, with my nan and grandad’s names on

me: That’s lovely (internally) no names, no names ohhhh no names *mental note: you didn’t phone your dad and tell him*

Music Therapy

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Treating the whole, not the part. My doctor, treating me for a leg injury, asked me how I was and what I was up to. I told him and he said, ‘don’t forget to do things for fun too’.  Seems to me that’s the best prescription I could have. I’m just not sure where to get it filled in. I know that my fun is, or should be music.

I need music, I need to sing, I need to write. Beardieboy and I began collaborating about 12 months ago, writing songs and rehearsing. Trouble is he’s a combination of a perfectionist and a sensitive soul so the slightest gap in rehearsing leaves him thinking his voice has gone, the songs are shit, the path is blocked. Because he’s a sensitive soul he is often the cause of his own blocks. Too much worry, too much work, getting a cold, all conspire against him and therefore us.

I feel a bit stuck. I have had several projects before, including one which produced the songs found here but, and I’m not just saying this because he’s my Beardieboy, but this is the first project that I truly believe in. I don’t care if we ever get famous but I do care if we get heard. We must get heard. It’s a bit different for Beardieboy I know, he was totally committed to the Damn Dirty Apes when we met. I wonder if, for him, this is some kind of consolation. I wonder if he believes in it the way I do.

So, what to do? If I stick with this project I stand two chances: I’ll either be stuck in a cycle of progress and delay, never quite reaching the standard in the eyes of Beardieboy that will allow him to let others hear, or, he could get his act together and then so could we. If it’s the former then I’m stuffed. I need to sing. I need to write, I need to perform. I can’t hedge my bets with a second project, I don’t have time for two projects. I can only manage one between work, study and family. I so believe in our music that I don’t want to give up on it. More than this I struggle with the idea of losing something that has had a very positive effect in this relationship. If I chose to cut my loses and give up waiting will I effectively be weakening my relationship? If he continues to feel sensitive and stuck is he allowing those feelings to stop the music and in doing so weaken the relationship?I wish I had the answer. I need to think.

Suddenly it all becomes clear. I know what to do. Following this brief period of introspection I realise what the answer is, I know the thing that will make all the difference.

I’m going to kick his arse.